Smile. And don't mention the rugby

Damn and blast it. That'll teach me to throw the TV remote away in disgust at half-time. We didn't win (come on, we're Scotland, and sporting prowess is not our forte - we just invent useful things like tarmac, pneumatic tyres, television, telephone, raincoats and the rifled barrel, amongst other things - this last two were probably invented by someone who had just been to see Scotland play football or rugby). You see, I watched the first half of the Scotland v. Wales rugby international the way I used to watch Dr. Who do battle with the Cybermen when I was a child - through my fingers from behind the couch. My spare hand was poised over the remote control, ready to transmit me to the infinitely more interesting world of America's Next Something or Other, or America's Dumbest Criminal, at the slightest hint of a Welsh score. As it transpired, I spent most of the first 40 minutes watching various wannabe catwalk models and soontobe prisoners, rather than endure watching Wales score almost every time they got the ball. What ought to have been the final straw for me was when Scotland were within 10 yards of the Welsh try-line, and the seven points that getting the ball over that line would have meant. Instead of passing to one of the players with the blue top on (i.e., a Scotland player), we decided that the sprinter in red would be a better bet to score - and we were not mistaken for he took off like an express train, running the entire length of the pitch to score Wales's second try while all 15 Scotland players stood scratching their heads as they watched him disappear into the distance. However, I managed to endure the pain for another few minutes, at least until our utterly incompetent defence had let the Welsh through again, and again, before leaving the room. At least I think I have come up with a theory as to why Scotland produces so many medical professionals - we need to be able to heal ourselves from these all too frequent blows to our pride. However, I may have been somewhat hasty in my retreat, because I have just found out that either a different Scotland or a different Wales came out for the second half - a half that Scotland managed to win by 19 points to 8 (it's just a shame that we lost the first half by 38 points to 3!). Although we did manage to lose the game by a fairly substantial margin, we did at least succeed in scoring some tries that were allowed to stand - in all we scored three - which is three more than we have scored in the previous year! Unfortunately, though, Wales scored six. This blutakbeast newspaper photog was at the game. Not wishing to dwell on the rugby, I instead quizzed him about the thorny issue of which is the better make of camera - Nikon or Canon. He confessed that while both manufacturers produced quality machines, they couldn't touch his Stikon.


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