Fool's day breakfast

According to the comprehensive set of instructions that accompanied Wiggy, this must be its last full day here in Dundee. Tomorrow it is off to the nation's capital, where Lee will no doubt show it the sights: the Parliament building, the Castle, Holyrood Palace, the Royal Mile, Calton Hill, Leith and Portobello. I am sure that Wiggy will have a whale of a time.

I might take it up to the Law for ae fond farewell before posting it on, where I will give it my sage counsel on Edinburgh female etiquette: if in a tea-room, be sure to wear a tweed twinset, pearl necklace, fur coat and no knickers, and always extend the pinkie whilst partaking of tea and scones. I shall warn it to stay clear of Rose Street, as it will be plied with alcohol in each of the neighbouring bars before being lewdly propositioned, and advise it to give a wide berth to people called Renton, Sickboy, Spud or Begbie. As a west coaster, and proud Brandane/Glaswegian to boot, the most valuable piece of advice I can give the wig is to be wary of Edinburgh folk - they're not quite right in the head.

This reminds me of a joke. People from Edinburgh call people from Glasgow 'Weegies', and say things like "How do you make a Weegie Board? Take away his Buckfast and blutak". Anyway, one particularly obnoxious citizen of Edinburgh delighted in trying to annoy his Glaswegian colleagues by telling such 'jokes'. He finally said: 'You know that in Edinburgh Glaswegians are called Weegies... but what do Glaswegians call people from Edinburgh? What is the collective noun for people from the capital? One Glaswegian piped up: 'We call people from Edinburgh W*nkers.'

But seriously, I have no problem with Edinburgh - it is far enough away for it not to bother me, and close enough to be a handy airport. I am sure Wiggy will love it there - and anyway, Lee's not a W*nker - he's originally from Aberdeen (less said about that the better).

Since it was to be our last full day together, I thought that it would be nice for me and Wiggy to sit at the table on this April Fool's day morning and have a typically high-cholestral breakfast of bacon rolls dripping in HP sauce, some sweet coffee and, for our health, some fruit juice. It would have been lovely gazing into each other's eyes - but then Wiggy doesn't have any, and nor is it a great conversationalist, and nor did it have any appetite - which was okay, because - as you can see from my svelte figure - I am well capable of eating two bacon rolls at one sitting.


Blogger leova (↑) said...

wow for picture!!!

4:32 am  
Blogger Lusobrandane said...

Why thank you!

4:55 pm  

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